2013—my hardest year yet

I've always done "year in review" posts, and in the past I've always looked forward to writing them. Not so much this time. I'm tempted to be bitter and complain about what a sucky year it's been, but in my heart of hearts I know that there have been memories made this year that I will always treasure. Thinking back on 2013 and reading old blog posts is painful for me, and I can't explain all of the heartache that follows reflection, even reflection on happy times. Don't let my attempts of being positive lead you to believe that I'm not still struggling with being angry, cynical, anxious and terrified. I have to stop myself from despairing and choose to remember the good. I have to remember that in this world I will have trials and sorrow. I strive daily to take heart and cling to the knowledge that God has overcome the world.

I didn't blog much this year. 35 posts to be exact—nearly one hundred posts less than 2012. At first it was because I was pregnant and sick, and then it was because I was pregnant and our baby wasn't healthy and I didn't know how to write about it, and then it was because our baby died and I couldn't write anything without crying for the rest of the day. I never wrote about our family vacation to the beach, or our trip to Chicago, or the little changes to our home I've made... all things I would have normally blogged about. I did write a handful of posts about my experiences with grief, though, and I'm more proud of those posts than of anything else I've written. In the spirit of continuing to be vulnerable with my readers, here are a few things I'll remember from 2013:

Even though I wanted so much more, I'm grateful for the time I had to be John's mother. 

22 weeks - the week I found out John wasn't growing,
and the last week we took a picture of my bump.
This was a happy day, though. We took baby to a Blue Jays game!

Even though I also saw him cry with sorrow, I'm grateful my husband talked to our baby—even after we found out he was dying. He is a wonderful father.

Even though I was tempted to never leave the house at times, I'm grateful for friends who distracted us with fun occasions.

we almost didn't go to this wedding because we had JUST gotten the "diagnosis." we wanted to be there for our friends, though,
and everyone was so sweet and helped us keep our minds off the bad news.

Arrested Development viewing party! Rita, Lucille, Maggie and Kitty (hair up, glasses off).

Even though I was terrified of my baby's impending death, I'm grateful that I got to go to the beach with my family, introduce baby to the ocean and witness every one of my prayers concerning that vacation being answered.

Even though it wasn't how I dreamed it would be, I'm grateful we got to meet and hold our son.

Even though I would have rather been holding a healthy newborn baby, I'm grateful for the opportunity we had to travel to Chicago (again!) with dear friends. It was a fantastic trip!

Even though it's due to tragedy, I'm grateful for increased closeness with my husband, and that I have a partner who truly cares for me in sickness and in health. His tender care and killer sense of humor make my darkest days much more bearable. 

Even though I've never struggled more with consistently reading my Bible and attending church, I'm grateful for confidence in my salvation, rest in God's grace and the power of intercessory prayer.

Even though I'm not successful by the world's standards, I'm grateful for two flexible part-time jobs and the time I've had to rest and grieve, the sweet and silly kids I've met through substitute teaching and the huge blessing it's been to write for a Christian website.

Even though I've been an absolute mess for the majority of the year, I'm grateful for the patience and love of my family and friends. I've never felt MORE LOVED than I have this year. Now THAT is something to remember about 2013!

highlights from 2012

January / a belated cabin Christmas

February / House hunting

March / Laura's first trip to Uganda 

April / Moved into our new home in Maryland

May / Visited Laurel in Kentucky

June / Family trip to Hawaii

July / Missed Hawaii and thought about family

August / Got back into baking

September / Chopped off my hair

October / Visited Becca in Boston and drove to Cape Ann

November / Found out I get to go back to Uganda

December / Made friends with stingrays on our Caribbean cruise 

What a great year.

Thanks to Sam, Holly, Kristen, Amber and Jackie for guest posting!

 

a Marylander's POV

Holly's orange dreamsicle bread

Kristen's guilt-free snacks

Amber's guide to Hampton Roads

Jackie, on being a mom

2011 year in review

check out "2010 year in review" here

What a crazy year 2011 has been! New jobs for both of us, lots of traveling, a broken bone, a near move... but we made it! Here are some highlights from the year:

January: I got a new job, and then almost got shot on my first day (not really)

February: I shared my thoughts on love and daydreamed about our upcoming beach trip

March: I recorded 93 things about myself and almost lost my husband while skiing at Snowshoe

April: I shared design ideas for boy's nursery and girl's nursery, had a hard week and had a misunderstanding with my husband

May: We celebrated three years of marriage, came up with a new anniversary tradition, and then spent a week apart (foreshadowing, I wonder?)

June: I came up with a way to give to others (still loving this) and Andy faced a stinky challenge after returning home from our beach trip

July: Andy broke his collarbone, I divulged more than you wanted to know, Andy got a new job, I met Sky (my brother's fiancé) and, following the death of my grandma, wrote a tribute to share at her memorial picnic

August: I shared secrets on a happy marriage, more thoughts on love, some tips on fashion and shopping, and the incredible, compelling, fascinating stories of StoryCorps

September: Went to a grocery store for a date, flew to Boston, and realized Andy and I would be living apart longer than we expected.

October: I put together a guide to Harrisonburg, wrote about our trip to Chicago, posted pics from Chicago, found out we needed to move and quit my job!

November: We snuggled a baby in sunny Tampa, I took my job back, and compiled a 2011 gift guide

December: In case you missed these, I turned 25, learned a hard lesson on compassion, had a birthday that never ended, practiced taking pics with different cameras and listed the books I read this year

by the way, friends, have I shared with you that Andy FINALLY got the position closer to Harrisonburg? Wahoo! He started today, which means we get to LIVE TOGETHER again!!!!!

what a great way to start the new year!

a belated 2010 year in review

2010 was a lesson in patience, trust and contentment. It was a hard year, but I'm better for it. Here are a couple posts from each month--


January: I got a "big change" haircut and started working for Katie Stoops Photography and received an interesting job assignment. 


February: I established a list of things I love and things I hate and awkwardly quit a nannying job.


March: We found our current house, I introduced our pup Casey to the WWW and I made Faaaab-ulouuus (Oprah style) chicken enchiladas.


April: I shared a few things you should know and said goodbye to our first house.


May: I fell hard for the precious twins I nannied for and reflected on life since high school.


June: I told a muffin tale, compiled my first "little pleasures" list and went fishing with Andy and my sister+brother-in-law


July: I gave relationship advice inspired by Jake and Vienna from The Bachelor, wrote the most talked about post on my blog and gave the recipe for an easy salmon dinner.


August: I wrote a letter to Becca, showed off two of my favorite decorations and reviewed the movie Eat, Pray, Love.  


September: I learned the beauty of contentment and spent time by my Grandma's side before she passed away.


October: I posted pics of the lovely furniture I received from my grandma as well as my first furniture makeover and addressed one of Andy's concerns about having children.


November: What I consider the best parts of being married, an Amélie inspired description of Andy and of myself and the front of our house.


December: I turned 24, hosted my first Christmas Party,  had a grown-up Christmas and listed all of the books I read in 2010.


click here to read Dave Barry's Year in Review.