Wednesday, February 23, 2011

what love is

I was talking with a friend earlier tonight and she mentioned that she was struggling with wanting her husband to change (not completely, but in certain ways). She acknowledged that he already has changed since they got married, but also that there are several areas of their relationship that could be better.

Story of all our relationships, right? We all want to be loved simply for who we are, but we rarely ever love people that way. It's hard to! We go into relationships, especially marriage, with the expectation that this person loves you too much to ever hurt or disappoint you, and OOPS you realize that no one is perfect and that we all make mistakes and feelings get hurt.

How can we approach our loved ones (let's say spouses from here on out) about the changes we desire to see in them or in the relationship without being unloving/unselfish/unaccepting?

Do we bring out the best in our spouse? Do we sacrifice for them? If we do sacrifice for them, are we taking notice of when they don't sacrifice in the ways we wish they would? Are we counting/measuring acts of love?

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Stop looking at that as a "cliche" passage on love and really pay attention to what TRUE love looks like!

You cannot change your spouse. You can pray for them, encourage them, support them and kindly express concerns/desires, but that's as for as it goes concerning your ability to change them.

Love ALWAYS protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres.

Another friend has reminded me that the things I would like changed in my marriage may NEVER change. I may NEVER get what I want in those areas. I chose to marry Andy for better or for worse. The only person/thing I can change is myself. I can become more patient. I can become more kind. Less rude. Less angry. Less selfish. Less jealous. Less prideful.

Andy and I made a decision a few months ago that has truly changed our marriage for the better. This is our "mantra"-- we choose to believe the best in each other.

When Andy doesn't do something I wanted him to do, instead of thinking seriously? How many times do we have to go over this? I would choose to think Andy loves me and he put a ring on my finger because he wants to be with me forever. He did not intentionally forget to do this for me- it must have truly not crossed his mind.

I have blossomed under Andy's efforts towards being a less-selfish husband. Andy has blossomed under my efforts towards being a less-selfish wife. The temptation to be selfish or to measure acts of love is definitely there, but God always provides a way out of those temptations.


Gaze into my eyes and let me know you'd fight thousands for my love.

2 comments:

  1. laura - i love your tiny bethany dillon reference at the bottom :)

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  2. thanks meg! we danced to that song at our wedding.

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thanks for reading!