He loves me

Many of you know that my job at the Daily News-Record is part-time. I was video editing from home until recently (project is done, yay!), so for the last couple of weeks I have been able to come home and not go to work down in the basement.

Having one part-time job is a lot different than having two, but all of my other jobs still exist :: wife, homemaker, friend and active church member (err...technically we're not members - that needs to change).

A full-time position as a features writer just opened up at the paper, and the me not long ago would've jumped on it and sent an application in immediately. The me now is thinking I would much rather be successful in my other "jobs" (which basically boil down to daughter of Christ, wife and sister in Christ) than be succcessful as a writer.

Of course, I also thought about how much I love to write and how much I enjoy meeting new people and learning about their lives, and I thought about how nice it would be to make the extra money and pay off the van sooner. I thought maybe, God? It sounds good, but is it what you want for me?

When I had first told Andy that I was considering applying for the job but that I had concerns, he made me feel that he really wanted me to take the job. I didn't tell him so, but I felt pressured. I didn't know what to do, because I didn't feel at peace about applying. I called my mom and asked for her opinion on how I should respond if, after talking to Andy again, he responded "you should apply." I was extremely distraught over the phone and had it in my head that Andy was more concerned with me making money than with me caring for him, the home and others.

oh, how quick I am to worry. how quick I am to think that I have to be in control of it all... that I have to have the answers.

The Lord takes my cautious, wandering heart and makes it beat for Him. This is an example of how:

When I approached Andy about my fear that he would be dissapointed or angry in me, he sweetly took my hands and looked me in the eye. He told me how proud he is of me and that he had only meant to encourage me and support me. He said he is grateful that I want to succeed in my relationships and that the extra money is not important to him. He said, "let me pray over us," and his prayer, so sweet and sincere, made my heart fill up with so much love that it leaked out of my eyes - and in that moment I felt like God was giving me a surprise party. Surprise! This is certainly not how you expected Andy to react. But why? Your fears had no foundation. Your fears are not bigger than Me.
How could I not see the immeasurability and boundlessness of God's love for me in that moment?

You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of the dust.
You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of us.