But I couldn't go back to sleep.
I attended a former classmate's memorial service a few days ago and was greatly impacted by the words spoken by Joey's friends, family and pastors. Joey was my classmate all throughout elementary and middle school, and we also attended the same college (though by then we had lost touch).
According to those closest to him, Joey was a man of integrity. During his two-year battle with cancer he soaked up knowledge of God by attending Sunday school, church and Bible study. He read his Bible even when he was in a hospital bed with drugs pumping into his body. He sent encouraging emails to his family and coworkers and asked people how he could be praying for them.
I struggle with doing those things and I have a healthy body.
All day on Monday I pondered my spiritual growth. I thought, that is the kind of legacy I want to leave. I don't want to keep choosing myself. I don't want to live for my own gain. I don't want to live for the world. I want to be so focused on Christ and obeying Him and advancing His kingdom that I, like Joey, would rejoice in suffering and use it to bring glory to God.
I was listening to Ascend the Hill on the way back to Frederick after the service and I found myself praying the words of the hymns. My heart was heavy from grieving and reflecting, but I found it lifting as I sang.
Oh, love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in Thee.
I give you back the life I owe,
and in your ocean depths its flow may richer, fuller be.
My life is not my own, it's yours.
I tried to go back to sleep on Tuesday morning. I couldn't. I made it to the study.
God- 1. Me- 0.
So anoint me with joy, and joyful I will be.