a hard thing

My grandma Jean (dad's mom) had a stroke on Saturday and she is not expected to live past this week. After I got back from Rockbridge (more on that later) my sister picked me up and we drove to Springfield together to be with grandma before she passes.

She looks nothing like herself and she can't speak. Her eyes flutter occasionally. She likes to have her hand held. I painted her nails this morning and my sister put decorative pillows around her to glam up her bed. We brought an ipod in and got classical music going. My grandma is a queen. We like to think that she can hear the music, that she feels pretty even in her hospital gown and that she senses being surrounded by friends and family.

I feel at peace about her dying. She lived life so fully and with such passion and I know she will enjoy dancing on the streets of gold in heaven. I don't like thinking of her not being around, especially for holidays. I don't like thinking that my children will never meet her. I don't like thinking that my dad will have lost both parents this year. She will always be alive in our hearts, though, and that will never change.

Surely goodness and love have followed her all the days of her life, and she will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. 

why am I writing when I have a million things to do?!!?!

3 miles at gym- cried while watching Dr. Phil.

showered and got ready- almost cried again thinking about Dr. Phil

parked on Grattan St. and walked to Top Dog on campus- almost cried because each step to get there was so familiar and I wanted so badly to be going in as a student and not an alumni and the freshman looked like such babies and then my sadness/sentimentality lifted because the menu had changed and there are now dumpling MEALS so I got thai chicken basil dumplings with noodles and thai sauce and it was delicious.

now I'm home and I have laundry to put away and I have to pack for Rockbridge (going to a retreat center to chaperone the Aletheia youth group while we serve the JMUers there for the weekend) AND I have a jillion dishes and vases and wine glasses to put away because we got a gorgeous china cabinet from my grandma and my stuff is currently covering every square inch of my kitchen counters.

phew. well, I'm already exhausted (but thankfully not in tears).

content with my portion

Here is one of the greatest little pleasures of all:

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalm 73:26 (NIV)

What does it mean, that God is my portion? I see it as this: God is enough. God will fill me up. If everything in my life were pieces of a pie, the God slice would be all I need. What He gives me, what His plan is for me- those things should satisfy me.

It has been a trial for me to hear about my friends receiving jobs since graduation. It made me question my talents, my abilities. It made me wonder why I wasn't good enough to have a professional job. It made me wonder if my family was disappointed in me. It made me wonder if people talked about me. My flesh and heart were failing. I was being swayed by the world into thinking that my worth comes from how much money I make. In doing so, I was questioning God's faithfulness.

Oh, but He is faithful! Remember my post on rearranging? The past few weeks have been filled with wonderful times with friends, time to work out, time to plan and cook healthy meals, time to study the Bible, time to read, time to take long walks, time to travel, time to organize my closet... :)

I am happier than ever. I am more content than ever. I truly mean that. I know so many people who are consumed by making money and getting better jobs and having more than others and it breaks my heart.  I have all that I need in the Lord, plus some pretty awesome bonuses...(hot husband)! I hope I never lose sight of that. 

Guess what? I got a job. In a couple of weeks I will begin a video editing project for a friend of the family. I get to work from home and choose my own hours. I don't know how long the project will take and what will happen when it ends, but God knows the desires of my heart: I get to use my degree in Media Arts and Design while still having time to devote to my husband, myself and our home. BIG sigh of contentment.

:)

not so busy at home

I guess you could say I took the day off of not working, but I got all but one thing done on my to-do list for the day. My tasks took about 1/4 of the time I thought they would. I wanted to get my glasses prescription figured out at Costco (my new ones give me a headache), take some clothes to Plato's Closet and Goodwill, go to the gym and read. I thought the Costco errand would take ages because the Harrisonburg Costco's optical center isn't directly affiliated with the one in Springfield, which is where I had my prescription made. It's all very confusing.

Well, I figured my errands+the gym would take all afternoon and that I could have the morning to do my reading. I woke up around nine thirty, called the dog to get up on the bed, snuggled and day-dreamed for a while and then decided to read a book. I had started The Carousel by Rosamunde Pilcher last night but only got a few pages in. It's only two hundred some pages and I wanted to see if I could finish the whole thing by 11am. I finished at 10:52! It was a good story to read in bed.

Then I did pretty much nothing for a solid hour and a half, which is rather depressing. Oh wait, I did the dishes. Whoopee. My errands took all of half an hour (the lady at Costco said I should make myself wear my glasses for a week because I'm used to my old/bad prescription and I just need to adjust, I got $3.30 from Plato's Closet for two shirts that were worth over $80, went to Goodwill to donate for the first time and realized it's as easy as dumping items in a box) so I went to Barnes and Noble and browsed and read some of Gods and Generals and sipped cinnamon tea for an hour and a half. It was marvelous. I put in 3 miles at the gym, 1.7 on the the elliptical and 1.3 on the treadmill. After my shower I trimmed my nails, plucked my eyebrows and went to Bible study with DRY hair and NOT wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt and looking like a hot mess. That was marvelous too.

As unproductive as this day was compared to yesterday, indulging in reading was lovely. Today was restful, which I am glad for. Tomorrow will be busy, which I am also glad for.

What really made my day, though, was a card in the mail from my friend Amy. She wrote the sweetest note of encouragement for me as I try to figure out a job situation and what God's plan is for me right now. Snail mail has got to be one of my top five favorite things to receive. The rest? Hm. Affection, gifts, phone calls from close friends and forgiveness.

busy at home

Isn't checking off a list wonderful? I have started using Google Tasks and now every time I check my e-mail (a jillion times a day) my to-do list stares me in the face. Thankfully, I had a wide open day to complete my tasks and get in some Seinfeld+snuggle time with my cute husband.

-wash dishes, clean kitchen
-finish unpacking suitcase (from last weekend...)
-organize closet
-clean out purses
-errands: grocery returns, grocery shopping, Bed Bath and Beyond shopping
-dry and put away dishes
-mail letter
-walk dog
-organize coupons
-organize papers clipped to fridge
-go to the gym
-strength workout at home
-homework for discipleship

Here are some pics of my newly organized closet!

I'm dropping off 7 pairs of shoes tomorrow at Goodwill. These were the survivors.
Some are hidden by the clothes.

color-coded summer+fall clothes (winter still packed away)
my floppy boots, my brand new Real Simple purse organizer
(which wasn't as awesome as I had hoped because most of my bags don't fit well
and it doesn't look nearly as neat and tidy as the sample pics)

sweaters up top with pants and skirts (not pictured) below

My homework for discipleship time w/ my friend and incredible mentor Jenny was to research what God says about the work of women. I chose this assignment for myself because I am not making an income right now and I get easily frustrated and saddened when people ask "what do you do?" and then give me a blank look when I say that I am a homemaker. I was greatly encouraged and motivated after reading the following verses!

Proverbs 14:1 (think about what the foolish wife would be like)
Proverbs 31:10-31 (my life goal!!!)
1 Timothy 5:9-15 (this is referring to widows, but I still found it helpful)
Titus 2:3-5 (where I took the title of this post from)

I really focused on the Proverbs 31 woman during my study. She is one classy lady! Based on the passage, these are the reasons I came up with for why her husband had full confidence in her:
He can depend on her to care of the house
He doesn’t have to wonder if she is being lazy
He knows she will feed and clothe her family
She is kind to others, she has many skills, she is physically fit, she brings in an income, she has poise, is respectable, has confidence in herself, she is wise, she speaks the truth, she has joy
His children praise their mother for living a holy life
His wife has faith in God

Here is the NIV translation of Proverbs 31:10-31 (author's emphasis)


10 A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.

 11 Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.

 12 She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

 13 She selects wool and flax

and works with eager hands.

 14 She is like the merchant ships,

bringing her food from afar.

 15 She gets up while it is still dark;

she provides food for her family

and portions for her servant girls.

 16 She considers a field and buys it;

out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

 17 She sets about her work vigorously;

her arms are strong for her tasks.

 18 She sees that her trading is profitable,

and her lamp does not go out at night.

 19 In her hand she holds the distaff

and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

 20 She opens her arms to the poor

and extends her hands to the needy.

 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;

for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

 22 She makes coverings for her bed;

she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,

where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

 24 She makes linen garments and sells them,

and supplies the merchants with sashes.

 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

 26 She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

 27 She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

 28 Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

 29 “Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all.”

 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

 31 Give her the reward she has earned,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.