the married couple's Valentine's Day

Andy didn't rush home from work on Valentine's Day to toss rose petals over our bed and place a sparkling diamond necklace against my pillow. I wasn't apron-clad, peeking into the stove to check the temperature of a perfectly crisp roasted chicken. My legs weren't even shaved. (TMI?)

No, on the evening of Valentine's Day I was parked on the couch savoring a piece of chocolate cheesecake I had bought for myself. Andy was in Maryland and had been there since Sunday night, and I was waiting for him to come home. When he called to say he was an hour away I moved to kitchen and stared at the leftover Mexican lasagna we had in the fridge, feeling guilty that I hadn't made something new. I cut out a heart-shaped piece of lasagna, tidied up the downstairs, made a handmade Valentine, put on deodorant and waited some more.

My guy was exhausted when he came in the door. He smiled at his heart-shaped dinner and then devoured it. We exchanged cards and watched "The Voice" until Andy's eyes couldn't stay open. We fell asleep, feet entwined.

Love in essence...

This living water will not quench us if it's watered down. It's not our place to hide again this treasure that we've found. We might as well just fold our hands if we can't call a spade a spade, 'cause we will miss the heart each time if we won't ever shoot them straight.

This song is about the temptation to dress down the gospel and the danger that lies in doing so.

It's also dangerous to dress down our calling as believers - and there is a LOT that we are called to do! According to Matthew 22:36-40, loving God and loving others should be our top priorities. You know how in "A Scarlet Letter" the main character is forced to wear a symbol of her sin for all to see? Christians should be easily identified by a badge of love -  a symbol NOT for how we feel about someone, but a symbol for our willingness to sacrifice for that person.

I recently attended a study on spiritual growth. We discussed the attributes listed in 2 Peter 1:5-7: knowledge, virtue, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection and love. And then there are verses 8 and 9...which are SO incredibly convicting..."For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins."

We talked about how these attributes build upon one another, with love being the very last (and most important) "step." Without love, you are ineffective. You are unfruitful. You are a clanging cymbal. Essentially, you are straight up WHITE NOISE to whoever you are attempting to witness to.

We will miss the heart each time if we won't ever shoot them straight.

I came across a post on agape love (sacrificial love - the kind of love that God desires us to have) that really convicted me. I hope it will speak to you, too.

(side note: while I agree with many of the points I've read on this site, please do not view this author's word as Truth - filter everything through Scripture - and feel free to contact me if you have questions.)

Agape love is not about feeling good but doing good - treating people as God has treated to us in Christ.

According to Jesus, agape love is the distinguishing mark of the church: "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:34-35). We do not allow the errors and excesses of others to excuse our own behavior. We do not allow our feelings to prevent us from treating people right. We practice the discipline - and it is indeed a discipline - of agape love. This will keep us busy enough without having to condemn others: Love in essence is not a matter of how we feel about people, but how we treat them... (this blew my mind. Such an obvious truth, yet not something we really think about. If we were to spend our energy loving others, we wouldn't have much energy left to judge them). It can be said with confidence at the outset, and also at any subsequent stage on the road, that learning to love all the different sorts of people whom God sends across our path, in all the different sorts of situations he shapes up for us and them, is going to prove the hardest discipline we shall ever face.

- Thomas Howard and J. I. Packer, Christianity: The True Humanism

In order to live this way, we must "deny self and take up our cross daily and follow Christ. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it" (Luke 9:23-24). This way of life will directly oppose our self-centeredness, but it will also, at the same time, open us to new life, God's life (this is why love can be so hard - it requires humility). Above all other expressions of love, agape allows us to transcend ourselves for the good of others. It exposes our selfishness and draws us out of our shells to love others, no matter what it takes.

Is agape love a quality others easily identify in you? Is your love for others increasing?

secrets to a happy marriage

my poor broken husband. he's doing much better - this was taken
right after he broke his collarbone. doesn't my hand look HUGE here?
I swear I don’t have man hands in real life!

do you read A Cup of Jo? Joanna occasionally asks other well-known bloggers questions and then posts their responses on her blog. Back in 2009 she did a series called "Our Secrets to a Happy Marriage." Here are some of the responses - I've emphasized what stands out to me. Our secrets are at the end.


"Love your other how they need to be loved, not how you need to be." A friend told me this simple mantra, saying that it had transformed his parents' marriage. It has stuck with me ever since. It makes so much sense and yet is so easy to forget because I think by nature we tend to be pretty selfish. Love is selfless, though, and what truly makes me happy is when my husband is happy. So, a key to a good marriage is trying your best to focus on what your significant other needs you to be to him, instead of what you want him to be to you.

P.S. Nathan told me I should write, "Have drunken sex as often as you can." Ha. (sorry mom and dad!)

-- Anna Bond, Rifle Design


1. Talk it out: No matter how angry you are, talking always helps. I wasn't a big talker before meeting Aaron (I was a big "slam the door"-er) and he taught me the value of talking through any and all difficult situations.

2. Support each other's dreams: AC loves to play poker and guitar, and he also likes mixed martial arts. If he wanted to leave his job to pursue any of those, I would support him 100%. And I know he'd do the same for me. I realized a few years back that no matter how good the salary or benefits, if your partner isn't happy, even the best job is the wrong job. If you're both truly happy, then material things really do become less important.

3. Go on adventures: Whether it's a scooter ride to Coney Island or a backpacking trip out west, remember to experience new things together. AC and I are complete opposites, but we both love to try new things, which keeps us growing together. 

-- Grace Bonney, Design*Sponge


One of the smartest things anyone ever said to Josh was that marriage is like a garden. You have to tend to it every day lest it become overgrown with weeds. Now we try to nip any issues that may come up in the bud. Just today, for example, Josh left me holding our 21-month-old daughter while he ran inside to grab a last-minute item before we set off to catch a ride into town. He checked his email and (as happens so often when you run your own business) got caught up in a work-related emergency that needed immediate attention. When he emerged ten minutes later explaining what was up, rather than a) blowing up or b) seething and saying nothing, I chose option c) gently reminding him that he left the two of us hanging and that a quick "hey, something's come up, I'll be a few minutes" would go a long way. He apologized, we both felt better, lesson learned, annoying afternoon averted!

Another super important tip: Make your relationship a priority, especially when you have a family. What your kids need most is to be loved by parents who are happy and productive participants in the world. And what keeps your partner feeling great is a spouse who feels great too. So get a babysitter so you can have date night, or take that ceramics (or karate or skydiving) course that you've always wanted to take. The whole family will be better off.

Last word to the wise--everything is a negotiation and agreement. Remember that there are two parties in the relationship, and together you're so much greater than the sum of your parts. When you're headed out to see District 9 instead of Julie & Julia, you may just find that the action flick is exactly what the doctor ordered.

-- Brooke Williams and Josh Liberson


Think play, not romance.
Forget flowers, dinner and candles, and instead play a video game, have a water-gun battle or play in a photo booth (or with Photobooth if you have a Mac!).
Embrace imperfection.
Accept that you're both going to make mistakes, and if the mistake was not intentionally hurtful, let it go. Adjust your expectations and align them with reality (dirty towels on the floor, pre-menstrual hormone insanity), not fantasy (a pristine house, a perpetually perky disposition).
Reinvigorate the Old.
Life's grind sometimes whittles away the parts of us that are carefree, inspired, focused or fun. One of the best things you can do for your spouse is to defend the parts of them that you married them for. And that doesn't mean saying "You used to be so..." It means reminding them that they ARE those things; they're not gone, even on their most beaten down days.
Discover the New.
Embark on unplanned adventures. Often.

-- Nichole, Little Brown Pen


"put your spouse before yourself. be spontaneous and do nice things that will make him/her feel loved and appreciated. did you notice your nice clean house when you came home?"
-- Andy, two seconds ago on the phone (yup, I noticed. thanks babe.)


when I'm a mess, Andy rubs my head. when he's a mess, I rub his back. sometimes loving each other in silence speaks louder volumes than loving aloud. 
flirt. tease. tickle. sing. dance. chase each other around the house. push each other's buttons (but know when to stop). repeat inside jokes until you're crying with laughter. bring up old memories.
make the CHOICE to focus on the positive.
-- me

what love is

I was talking with a friend earlier tonight and she mentioned that she was struggling with wanting her husband to change (not completely, but in certain ways). She acknowledged that he already has changed since they got married, but also that there are several areas of their relationship that could be better.

Story of all our relationships, right? We all want to be loved simply for who we are, but we rarely ever love people that way. It's hard to! We go into relationships, especially marriage, with the expectation that this person loves you too much to ever hurt or disappoint you, and OOPS you realize that no one is perfect and that we all make mistakes and feelings get hurt.

How can we approach our loved ones (let's say spouses from here on out) about the changes we desire to see in them or in the relationship without being unloving/unselfish/unaccepting?

Do we bring out the best in our spouse? Do we sacrifice for them? If we do sacrifice for them, are we taking notice of when they don't sacrifice in the ways we wish they would? Are we counting/measuring acts of love?

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Stop looking at that as a "cliche" passage on love and really pay attention to what TRUE love looks like!

You cannot change your spouse. You can pray for them, encourage them, support them and kindly express concerns/desires, but that's as for as it goes concerning your ability to change them.

Love ALWAYS protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres.

Another friend has reminded me that the things I would like changed in my marriage may NEVER change. I may NEVER get what I want in those areas. I chose to marry Andy for better or for worse. The only person/thing I can change is myself. I can become more patient. I can become more kind. Less rude. Less angry. Less selfish. Less jealous. Less prideful.

Andy and I made a decision a few months ago that has truly changed our marriage for the better. This is our "mantra"-- we choose to believe the best in each other.

When Andy doesn't do something I wanted him to do, instead of thinking seriously? How many times do we have to go over this? I would choose to think Andy loves me and he put a ring on my finger because he wants to be with me forever. He did not intentionally forget to do this for me- it must have truly not crossed his mind.

I have blossomed under Andy's efforts towards being a less-selfish husband. Andy has blossomed under my efforts towards being a less-selfish wife. The temptation to be selfish or to measure acts of love is definitely there, but God always provides a way out of those temptations.


Gaze into my eyes and let me know you'd fight thousands for my love.

my valentine

the two of us after our dinner date

Andy and I went to the Mill Street Grill in Staunton on Saturday night. We had a gift card, so the only thing we paid was tip. We only went 26 cents over our card!

We were told that we'd have a 45 minute wait for a table, so I suggested we try grabbing a seat at the bar. Two people left the moment we walked up to the bar. Andy sweetly told me that he wouldn't mind waiting the 45 minutes if I wanted to sit at a private table, but me, being a) all about eating and b) all about fun atmospheres, said I wanted to stay and eat at the bar. (Andy was relieved.)

I ordered stuffed artichoke hearts as an appetizer and begged Andy to try one. He has always made a big fuss about how much he hates artichokes and how he never wants to eat them, but the fried boursin cheese goodness combined with the artichoke smelled and looked amazing. I convinced him to have a taste and he went nuts for them. I love getting people to try new things.

Andy had ribs and I had a chicken caesar salad for dinner, topped off with slice of chocolate cake for dessert.
We stayed and continued chatting after the bill was paid. I was shocked to get in the car and see that we had been at the restaurant for two and a half hours! At home dinner lasts maybe 20 minutes.

I so enjoyed our date. I love you Andrew Scott!

I bought this on Etsy and framed it over the weekend. 

oh hey! that's us with the Tower Bridge behind us!
:)

the best parts

-snuggles. lots of them.
-sharing a ridiculous love for our dog
-praying together
-walking down memory lane (we have 5 years of memories!)
-making each other laugh at all times
-waking the other person up in the night if one of us has a nightmare
-being completely uninhibited, goofy, vulnerable and knowing you're still loved
-PDA. we're PDA-ers. Sorry, world. We're in love. and we're married. boo-yah.
- ;) ;)

I got the sweetest phone call from my husband yesterday. He called simply to compliment me and tell me how grateful and blessed he is to have me. That right there-- that is the very best part-- having love for someone and them joyfully receiving it.

this was taken shortly after Andy asked
me to date him with the intention of marriage.
Andy is 20 here, I'm 19.
Presh!!!

2 years, 2 months, 24 days

There's something about the look in your eyes

Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight