flashback friday: sarah

I wrote this when I was fifteen. I was introduced to some people in high school who had experienced death and abuse at a young age. This piece was not based on any singular story, but a combination of stories.

Sarah

little Sarah so scared and crying

doesn’t know that her momma is dying

her daddy won’t hold her he just sits there and stares

she can’t tell him she loves him, can’t tell him she cares

she’s only a baby, not born but yesterday

maybe her mom wouldn’t be so sick if she’d thrown her baby away

poor Sarah’s all alone, but she’s still glad she’s living

she just hopes that when she’s older her family is forgiving

her daddy had said if it was his choice they’d abort

now her mommy is gone and so is her support

who will protect her from the constant pain ahead

will anyone still love her once her mommy is dead?

what if her daddy still wanted his baby girl killed?

then perhaps his raging pain would be stilled

sarah lays there and listens to the screams

there goes her mommy with her hopes and her dreams

she was stupid to have fallen for sarah’s dad

unaware that having Sarah would make him so mad

he wouldn’t listen to her constant begging “no”

said that if she loved him that her feelings would show

how could she have been so foolish and believing

she never thought that his words might be deceiving

now look where she is, she was too young to give birth

gave all she had to her baby and now she’s leaving this earth

all Sarah can hear is her momma’s streaming tears

as she tries to be strong and forget all her fears

it just isn’t working, she’s too frail to go on

her last thoughts taken away with the dawn

Sarah knows that something is wrong

the only sound in the room is that sorrowful song

her daddy plays with the radio, no tears in his eyes

turns it off as people come in the room to say their goodbyes

they bend over the teenager who just lost her life

her only dream never came true- the dream to be a wife

why is this world so cruel to the innocent youth

maybe they’d stop doing what they’re doing if they were told the truth

so many of them never learn to have morality

they just say that their life is reality

what about Sarah, does anyone care about this child

they would if they had been watching when her mama smiled

flashback friday: untitled

I'm guessing I wrote this after being forbidden to talk to my crush from camp. I was fifteen and absolutely heartbroken.

I’m on the outside 

wishing 

I was anywhere but here

looking 

Inside and seeing

everything

That keeps me from you

It is the worst feeling

knowing

What I am

missing

out on

flashback friday : sometimes

flashback fridays are a weekly post where I reveal some angst-y teenage writings of mine from high school

not sure when I wrote this...

Sometimes space isn’t what I need

Sometimes taking a break isn’t the right thing to do

Sometimes letting go can be a bad choice

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to say this to you

Sometimes it seems like the world is spinning around me

Sometimes I feel caught in a spell and I can’t get out

Sometimes I can tell what you’re doing to my heart

Sometimes I know it’s something I can’t live without

flashback friday: to margo and sean on their wedding day

I have absolutely zero recollection of writing this, but the title says I wrote it for my dear friends Margo and Sean. I was 16 when they got married, so I must have been 16 when I wrote this. 

To Margo and Sean on their wedding day:


Here we stand, hand in hand

I can’t believe this day is finally here

And through all our laughter and our tears

I have a thousands words to say

But only three will do

I’ve waited for oh so long

To find the one

God has planned for me

And nothing else can compare

With the life that we’re about to share

There are a thousand words to say

But only three will do

Baby, I love you

There will never be another face

That matches up to yours

We’ve come so far and won the race

I couldn’t ask for more

And though there are a thousand words

That I could say to you

There are only three that will do

Baby, I love you

flashback friday: untitled

moral of this poem/song:: don't ever fall for anyone at camp. this is me, age 15. 

I can’t say the things you want to hear the way you want me to

And all my thoughts are dying to be free from the cell inside of me

But silence is as golden as the note that lies unfolded

The letter that will shatter everything that ever mattered in my life

I can feel my fingers shake against the curves of I love you

With every beat that my heart makes I read the lies that I once clung to

I can picture in my mind how all the words I want to find will never leave your lips

I wish I could remember something more than this

This note that you wrote will burn with all the rest of the best of our memories

I hope you are happy with the life that you have made

And I hope that you’ll be haunted with the past that you betrayed

And someday you’ll have something that you’re so eager to say

But the words you’ll never speak

They’ll leave you feeling weak

Because silence is as golden as the note that lies unfolded

The letter that will shatter everything that ever mattered in my life

Just a few simple lines to tell me goodbye

And you’re gone

I never got to say…

read the previous "flashback fridays" here

flashback friday: Beckah's song

A couple days ago I decided to start a weekly post where I will share some of my writing from high school.

Read the first one here.

Most of my poems and songs are from someone else's perspective. I wrote this my sophomore year for a guy friend who had just been broken up with by his girlfriend. This song is for Beckah.

Note: that line about strawberries in the last verse is KILLING me. It's supposed to be obvious that they share a memories of strawberries together because he kisses strawberry ice cream off of her mouth during a date. This is the hard part about sharing my old writings...I want to edit them!

Beckah's Song

Remember nights in Old Town, Alexandria?

Eating ice cream like we were kids again

I smiled at your messy lips

That begged me for another kiss

Drowning me in strawberry sin

Oh-oh

My heart can’t stand this loneliness

Every night I make a wish

On the star that we named after our favorite TV show

I guess I should go home

Wait for hours by the phone

Missing the sound of “I love you”

(I love you…)

Remember how we’d stay up late

Going out on crazy dates

Or staying in and making out

On your Hello Kitty couch

Even with the lights turned out

I couldn’t keep my eyes off of your mouth

Remember when our star fell from the sky?

You hugged me tight and then you said goodbye…

Next time you eat strawberries

I hope that you will think of me

‘Cuz thinking about you makes me cry inside

I just want to make a difference

My parents are getting a new computer and asked me to go through the many songs, poems, IM convos and school assignments that I had written and saved over the years.  I'm going to start posting "Flashback Fridays" and I'll share with you my teenage heart. Here's a taste of what's to come:


from a senior year English assignment:
I want to be a homemaker and raise my children in a stable home.  I want to be remembered as someone who loved life and put her all into everything she did.  As my gift to the world, I will be an example of a successful wife, mother, and person in general.  I don’t plan on being a superhero.  I just want to make a difference to the people around me.


I still want those things.